What is School Refusal or School Can’t?
What does School Refusal/Can’t look like?
For a CHILD
School Refusal/Can’t can look like:
Showing signs of distress, anxiety or depression about going to school.
Teariness the night before school or complaining about illness.
Having meltdowns or displaying aggressive behaviour.
Shutdown - no capacity for anything.
Refusing to get out of bed or to leave the house.
Significant increase in the use of screens.
Avoiding challenging days at school, such as tests, exams, camps or sport events.
Having trouble returning to school after significant breaks.
Being suspended from school.
For PARENTS
School Refusal/Can’t can look like:
Frustration, distress & being overwhelmed.
Emotional and physical exhaustion.
Impacting ability to attend workplace, creating financial stress.
Disagreements between parents about how to deal with the situation.
Breakdown in relationships; with child, partner, school, extended family or friends.
Concern for your child or young person’s education & future.
Not knowing what to do next for their child.
Feeling totally alone on this journey.
Difficulty often finding supports or people who understand.
School refusal or school can’t - what’s the right terminology?
This question comes up a lot, and it matters.
Traditionally, school refusal has been used to describe a child who appears to be refusing to attend school, often framed as a behaviour choice.
But many families and professionals now use school can’t - shifting the lens from won’t to can’t.
This perspective recognises that a child isn’t being defiant; they’re overwhelmed, distressed, or unable to cope with the environment.
While the term school refusal does need to change, my own market research shows it’s still the language many families first encounter and recognise.
When we stay aware of where each person is in their understanding of school refusal or school can’t, we create safer spaces to learn together.
That’s how real change happens.
Not through judgement, but through shared understanding.
Support for families experiencing School Refusal or School Can’t?
School Refusal / Can’t impacts the whole family’s well-being, your relationships and the ability to see a positive future. Experiencing school refusal/can’t can feel overwheming, isolating and emotionally exhausting.
I have created a Course, that takes you through a framework to support your child experiencing school refusal/can’t. I provide evidence based strategies to assist you and your family to see your journey from a new perspective which enables you to look beyond the must’s & should’s. To focus on now and increasing your belief that everything will work out OK.
Parents I work with ask themselves:
Will my child ever return to school?
It feels like we’ve done everything, how do we know it’s time to step back?
What will their future be like?
How will they ever live in the outside world?
Working with family’s, I have seen that every journey is different relating to School Refusal. There are however, similar themes that arise. The course I have created address these themes; what about my child’s future, buildings networks who understand, co-regulating, the outside world, finding ways that do work for my child, working with school, working together to parent & self-care.
‘Evidence-based. Lived experience. Real support‘.