What is School Refusal or School Can’t?
What does School Refusal/Can’t look like?
For a CHILD
School Refusal/Can’t can look like:
Showing signs of distress, anxiety or depression about going to school.
Teariness the night before school or complaining about illness.
Having meltdowns or displaying aggressive behaviour.
Shutdown - no capacity for anything.
Refusing to get out of bed or to leave the house.
Significant increase in the use of screens.
Avoiding challenging days at school, such as tests, exams, camps or sport events.
Having trouble returning to school after significant breaks.
Being suspended from school.
For PARENTS
School Refusal/Can’t can look like:
Frustration, distress & being overwhelmed.
Emotional and physical exhaustion.
Impacting ability to attend workplace, creating financial stress.
Disagreements between parents about how to deal with the situation.
Breakdown in relationships; with child, partner, school, extended family or friends.
Concern for your child or young person’s education & future.
Not knowing what to do next for their child.
Feeling totally alone on this journey.
Difficulty often finding supports or people who understand.
School refusal or school can’t - what’s the right terminology?
Traditionally, school refusal has been used to describe a child who appears to be refusing to attend school, often framed as a behaviour choice.
But many families and professionals now use school can’t - shifting the lens from won’t to can’t.
This perspective recognises that a child isn’t being defiant; they’re overwhelmed, distressed, or unable to cope with the environment.
Support for families experiencing School Refusal or School Can’t?
School Refusal / Can’t impacts the whole family’s well-being, your relationships and the ability to see a positive future. Experiencing school refusal/can’t can feel overwheming, isolating and emotionally exhausting.
MODULE 1 - Understanding School Refusal or School Can’t & shifting perspectives.
What is School Refusal or School Can’t
Impact on Relationships
What works & what doesn’t.
MODULE 2 - Applying this knowledge to your own family’s experience of School Refusal/Can’t.
School expectations & your child’s responses.
What parents can control on the School Refusal/Can’t journey.
Interview with a 21 year old young person who experienced school can’t and what helped them.
MODULE 3 - Parents’ Differing Perspectives - Part 1 & 2
Parent’s Intentions & the different strategies they use.
The Protective Patterns your child displays that can hold you back.
What can we do as parents?
A Trust Measuring Exercise - what to do and say to build trust with your child & your child’s other parent.
How we come together to a shared understanding with a shared plan.
MODULE 4 - Working with Schools
Key ingredients to working with school.
A strategy to understand your child’s enjoyment & feelings of success about school.
Reasonable Adjustments & your child’s rights.
How to show up as a Professional Parent.
A 12 Page Document of Reasonable Adjustments to suggest to school.
MODULE 5 - The Power of Parents Mindset
Reframing progress on the School Can’t journey.
Using the Well-Being Wheel to identify the reasons why it is hard to attend school.
Stories from parents who have found the way through education toward a compelling future for their child and family.
Working with family’s, I have seen that every journey is different relating to School Refusal or School Can’t. There are however, similar themes that arise - what about my child’s future, how ask for adjustments at school, building networks who understand. working together to parent & self care.
‘Evidence-based. Lived experience. Real support‘.
What if you could:
Ask for school adjustments with clarity and confidence.
Feel steady and sure in your parenting approach.
Stop second-guessing yourself or being swayed by others’ opinions.
Set realistic goals with your child & their school.